Till Death Do Us Part
by Penwriter2608
Summary: What Happens When Everything Bella Knows Is Ripped Away From Her? Will She Learn to Live Again? A Story Of Love, Pain And The Struggle to Mend A Young Woman's Broken Heart. A Story Of Coming To Terms With Her Own Personal Hell, Left To Deal With The Never Ending Grief Of Lost Love. With The Help Of Past Memories And Best Friends Will She Ever Truly Be Able To Find Peace?
1. Goodbye My Lover

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**Just a short chapter to start the story off.**

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_Every Time I Close My Eyes_

_You're All That I See_

_I Hold You In My Heart_

_And Know You're Watching Over Me._

_(Westlife)_

Can anyone say they have truly loved and lost?

I can, you may scoff and turn your heads away now, but I know deep down, I loved with my whole heart. Not that it helped.

I used to believe in God, I had no reason not to, I could never understand those who used to easily turn their back on the faith they used to know, that they used to love because something bad had happened to them.

My faith was buried along with my heart and soul. I had no use for them now anyway, not after today.

I watch as they lower his coffin into the ground, the dry dirt. We all said our goodbyes earlier in the church, not without tears and heart-warming eulogy's. They weren't lying when they said it would be hard.

I didn't doubt it for a second of course. After all burying a loved one is never easy.

God, it hurts so much, please just make it go away.

I don't notice the people slowly going their separate ways; either that or I just simply didn't care.

I don't know how long I stood there before I came too and realized that there was nothing to do here anyway, the last two weeks were full of funeral planning and making sure everything was right, because nothing was going to ruin this day.

My life was in ruins, but god be damned if my darling husband wouldn't have the send-off he deserved.

It doesn't feel real. I don't deserve this! To be left alone for the rest of my life.

I won't ever find another Him, as long as I'm breathing.

I can't cry. I can't exactly say I've tried, but isn't that what's meant to happen when someone you love dies?

To break down in tears and never pick yourself up again, I look around at the people who are still here, waiting for me to come willingly, not that I ever will, why would I? My soul is here in this dull grave yard, buried in the ground.

I feel a soft touch on my arm, "Come… Everyone is making their way to the house for the wake,"

"I don't care; none of them were there when he was alive? Why should they be here now? What? Because he is dead?" I shake my head. I'm gently being led away, coming up to the car, I turn one last time unable to resist, drawn to him in death as I was in life:

_Edward Anthony Cullen_

_June 20__th__ 1982-February 1__st__ 2013_

_Beloved Husband, Brother and Friend_

_Gone But Never Forgotten._


	2. At Last

_13 years earlier:_

Jesus Christ.

I can't even escape him in the confines of the girls' bathroom. Seriously, where the hell do I have to go where I never hear the mention of that jerks name?! The moon?!

Especially with girls like Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley around, panting after him.

"Have you seen the way he looks at Bella Swan all of a sudden, she hasn't lost that much weight over the summer" I assume Lauren sneered, it's all she ever seems to do, it wouldn't surprise me if every single time her and Edward hooked up he put a plastic bag over her head. I know I would, for sure; I might even use my hands to keep any air from getting in there too.

"She is just a phase, don't worry, she isn't even good enough for him," Jessica replied, stroking the ego of her wounded ring leader.

Every school has them.

I flush the toilet, alerting them to the fact that someone else was in here too, like it isn't a public bathroom. I bang open the door and walk out, not looking in their direction once.

I would never give them the satisfaction of letting their words get to me, or anyone's words to be exact.

They can all rot.

"Well, you know what they say? Talk about the Devil" Lauren smirked, fluffing her hair up as though it was lying flat on her head, which I can tell you it wasn't. I think she was trying to go for the bed head, more like dragged through a hedge backwards head.

I envy the lucky bastard who dragged her. Kicking and screaming no doubt.

I would have kicked her and laughed while she screamed.

Then again, I don't have very good social skills, as my mother is always reminding me. Why should I be polite to them when they've done nothing to deserve it? The first day I got here really, they didn't even give me a chance, children can be the worst of all, especially in the sixth grade when Alice Cullen decided she was going to be my best friend for life.

How was I supposed to know that Alice Cullen would probably be one of the most popular girls in our school?

"There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere!" I wasn't even out the toilets before she was on me like a Hawk. "Lunch is nearly over!"

"Well we'd better get to class then!" I said fully intending on avoiding the cafeteria like it was the plague.

"Not so fast Swan! I said lunch was _nearly_ over, not that it _is _over" Alice giggled, not getting the hint as she grabbed my arm, dragging me towards the doors.

I don't even know how we actually got talking. One day I had no friends, then the next I had Alice Cullen.

It could have something to do with the fact that she lives three doors down from me, in the biggest house on the street. Not that I see why! There are only her, her parents, Dr. Carlisle and Esme Cullen and her moody twin brother, the bane of my existence Edward Cullen.

They were like my second family, always taking me in and feeding me, I don't go as often as I should anymore. Edward see's to that although he may not do it intentionally. I love his mother and father like they were my own, they are the kindest people I've ever met. I count myself lucky with two sets of loving parents, granted one set is a hell of a lot richer than the other.

"If it isn't Swan," Edward smirked, "We haven't even been back a full day and already you can't keep away from me."

"Don't flatter yourself Cullen, I'm only here because of Alice," I grit my teeth.

"Thank a lot Bella. Really feeling the love over here," Emmett laughed, not at all offended by what I said, his booming laugh echoing through the cafeteria.

The reason I hate Edward Cullen so much, is simple, so simple in fact that it's pathetic.

I love him, I've loved him since I was three years old and they moved to our street. Not that he knows of course. How could he? I was fat before we came back after the Summer, granted he is an asshole and a jerk, but I know the real Edward and he is the sweetest, kindest person I'll ever know and love. I have to keep this whole bullshit front that he's existence annoys me, when actually it excites the fuck out of me. I'm sick I know.

I'm a poor pitiful excuse of a girl, following the crowd because they're following Edward. It's his fault I'm like this, we made a pact at the beginning of this summer stating that if neither of us can find our first kiss before the summer was out we would be each other's.

Yea, like I really searched hard for my first kiss. I'm desperate so sue me. He probably doesn't even remember our little secret deal.

Just before I have chance to reply, the bell goes and everyone scatters. Seriously, I've never seen people move so fast.

One hour later and I'm shoving my history books into my locker, that shit does not need to be brought home tainting my freedom.

I tensed; feeling the warmth of a body pressed lightly against mine, "I haven't forgotten our pact _Isabella_" his velvet soft voice whispered in my ear. I look slowly up and down the hallways, but of course no one is anywhere to be seen, they never are when he talks to me.

"Really?" I shrugged, ok so what? I was trying to play it cool, _trying_, "I had."

Edward chuckled, "I don't believe that for a second," His hand came to rest on one of the lockers directly next to my head, where I couldn't help but examine his hands, he had pianist fingers, that's what his mother said when she made him have piano lessons every Sunday for the last eight and a half years. "Are you really going to deprave me of your promise?"

I turn around, expecting him to back up, which he doesn't, "Promise? If I remember correctly it was a pact, and I find it very hard to believe that you couldn't find anyone who was willing to be your first kiss, not that I believe you've never kissed a girl," I raised my eyebrows, come back at that one if you can Edward.

He looked like he was contemplating how to say his next sentence, "I said our first kiss, as in mine and yours, not mine and someone else." I felt my jaw go slack; I must look like an idiot, a deaf idiot,

"Are you for real?" I snapped, feeling my cheeks heat up, "You can't say that,"

"Why not?" He shrugged, "It's how I feel, unlike you Bella, I know my feelings and I'm acting on them."

"You don't have feelings Edward," I said, trying not to look at him,

"I do, I just don't make them obvious," Edward whispered in my ear making me shiver as his breath ghosted along the side of my neck making the small hairs stand up. "I like you Bella, I always have, is it a crime that I want you to like me back?"

"Me and how many others Edward? Shall I name a few? How about, Lauren, Jessica, Angela, Tanya, Kate and Irina." I count off on the fingers in my head.

"They mean nothing to be, just filling the void, until you stop being a coward about your feelings for me," Edward shrugged off the names like they were nothing, "You're the only girl for me Bella. You have been since you were three years old, it's not like I've slept with any of them"

"You use girls and throw them away like a used towel," I felt my voice tremble and my resolve weaken, "You're saying all this to me, because I've never caved into you,"

"I'm saying all this because it's true Bella, I've had to make do. I'm tired of waiting now," Edward said his other hand snaking up the side of my neck into my hair, "I want you," He whispered, closing the distance between my lips and his.


	3. Stage One: Denial And Isolation Part One

_Present Day:_

I wake up to find the house silent and empty, Edward must have left for work already, but he can't have, he always wakes me with a kiss before he leaves.

I open the bedroom door and can instantly smell the coffee brewing, the way Edward leaves it for me, so I have something to drink when I wake up. He is always thinking about me, I'm the luckiest woman in the world to have him looking after me. I don't know what I'd do without him. I wouldn't be able to survive.

I pad down the stairs and turn left into the living room, which is a mess, plates and cups everywhere, not that I remember having a get together. I don't even remember drinking that much.

"Edward? Are you still here?" I called out, "Did we have a party last night?" I asked, I check the time on the clock, half past eight, which is odd as he doesn't leave for work until at least quarter to nine, the perks of working with your father at the hospital. "Edward?"

I walk through the living room, avoiding the paper plates and cups, I push the French doors open that divide the kitchen from the living room, "That's odd," I murmured, those doors are never shut.

"Bella, I thought that was you honey," Alice smiled sadly, when I found her sitting at our dining room table, "Do you want some coffee?"

"What are you doing here?" I started to feel uneasy, Alice never showed up unannounced, well she does, but not when she's seven and a half months pregnant with her and Jasper's first child.

"Shouldn't you be on bed rest Alice? You know what Edward will say!" I walk over to pour my coffee. "Have you seen him this morning on your way in by any chance?" I turn back to Alice, waiting for her to answer.

"Bella…." She trailed off, the tears slipping down her cheeks, "Don't you remember? Edward is dead Bella."

"Don't be stupid Alice, if this is some kind of joke its fucking sick," I clutch my middle, slowly sinking to the floor, I don't want to remember, I'd rather live in ignorance, but I remember, oh god do I remember.

Edward is dead. He's dead and he's never coming back to me, I won't ever feel his arms around me, or hear his voice telling me he loves me. I feel the sob wrack through my body, mildly aware Alice is still here and on the phone. "No, no, no, Alice, please tell me it's all a dream and that I'll wake up any minute,"

I'm vaguely aware of the front door opening and Emmett bursting into the kitchen, closely followed by Rose and Jasper, "Fuck…" Emmett cursed, coming to crouch in front of me, "Bella, please get up,"

Another sob makes my body heave, "I can't Emmett, I haven't got it in me, please just leave me here, leave me alone," I cried out, "I woke up this morning with no pain in my chest, no ache in my heart."

"Please…"

"Why does it hurt so much? Why is God punishing me?" I sobbed, clutching him tightly as he pulled me towards him, "Edward didn't deserve to die, we were going to start a family, and now we won't have a chance,"

Rose who was stood silently in the corner held her face in her hands as she started to gently cry, "What are you crying for?" I demanded, letting go of Emmett so I could stand and wipe away the tears, "You still have your husband and your children. Mine is buried six feet below us, alone and cold…I should be there with him," I say faintly, as Rose lifts her head to look at me, "It should have been me, not him."

She shook her head, "No Bella, don't ever say that, don't even imply it, we've already lost Edward, we don't want to lose you too,"

"He isn't really gone," I said, my voice slightly stronger, "He's going to come back to me, to us,"

"Please, stop," Alice gave out a strangled cry, "Let me mourn my brother, you need to mourn him Bella or you won't ever move on,"

I laughed harshly, "I don't want to move on Alice, my life stopped the day his heart did. I'm not going to forget about him that easily. I can't forget about his that easily."

"Stop being a selfish bitch Bella, We lost Edward too, you're not the only one grieving," Rose spat, "We all loved him, we all want to be near him, and the closest thing to him was you," I slump over, the fight leaving me, "Please don't shut us out,"

"I can't help it, I want to believe he'll come back," I whispered, "I set his place at the table last night, twice I called him down before I remembered, that same morning I poured him some coffee, expecting him to walk in with his tie hanging round his neck, waiting for me to do it, but he didn't come, he never will again."

"We love you Bella, Lily is asking after her Aunt Bella," Emmett spoke up, "She misses you,"

"I miss her too Emmett, but I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to see her just yet, not when I'm breaking down every two minutes."

It's been two days since the funeral, but it feels like an eternity. The ache and pain in my heart and chest doesn't feel like it's ever going to go away.

I don't know what to do to make it any easier.


	4. Stage One: Denial and Isolation Part Two

**Thanks to everyone that has given this story a chance.**

**I really appreciate it!**

**Love!**

I look at the caller ID on my phone flashing _Alice_ but I haven't got it in me to speak to her. Not yet anyway, this is how the last week and a half has gone, me avoiding the world, holed up in our house, my sanctuary. I raided Edward's side of the closet last night; I had nothing else better to do.

I found his old college hoodie that had **Cullen** written across the back in black writing. He always insisted on keeping it and bringing it with us, at the time I fought my hardest to get rid of it, it had a hole in the elbow, nothing worth keeping. I'm glad he didn't listen to me, because all this hoodie holds now are memories, memories that help keep me somewhat sane.

Don't get me wrong, me and Edward weren't perfect, we had our arguments, we used to fight like cat and dog sometimes, but we still loved the hell out of each other.

_I hear the front door go, signalling his entrance. "Hey Asshole!" I yell, storming from the kitchen into the middle of the living room._

"_Hello to you too darling," Edward laughed, "Please enlighten me to how I fucked up this time!" _

"_I had an interesting phone call today, from Tanya Denali of all fucking people, letting me know that you two were meeting up for a drink tonight," I snarled, causing him to flinch, spoilt your evening have I Edward? You'll have to excuse the fact I could not give a fuck._

"_It was just a drink with a friend,"_

"_An ex-girlfriend friend? Wow, so if I met up with one of my old fuck buddies, that would be alright would it?!" I exclaimed, throwing the tea towel down onto the coffee table. "We're engaged Edward, you can't keep meeting up with your ex's, you're twenty four for god sake."_

_Edward sighed running his hand through his wild bronze hair, facing me off from the doorway of the living room, "Bella, you're over reacting, so we had a thing in college, for six months, you broke up with me and I was just passing time….I worded that wrong…really worded that one wrong," He grimaced, seeing the look on my face no doubt._

"_Passing time...You were passing time? Are you kidding me? You're an asshole and a Jerk. I should have listened to Alice when I was seventeen. She warned _

_me against this, against you, saying you would just break my heart," I shouted, I was pretty sure my face was just a ball of blotchy redness attached to my neck._

"_I love it when you get mad," Edward smirked, stepping inside, brave guy, "You're beautiful,"_

"_Nu-uh… I don't think so, that shit doesn't work on me anymore," I put my hand out in the universal stop sign, palm up facing him, "Stay right there Cullen."_

"_How can I? I'm drawn to you," He was getting closer, "You're like my own personal brand of heroin,"_

_I snort, so ladylike, "Jesus, Did you seriously just say that? Are you drunk?"_

"_No I'm not drunk," He rolled his eyes, coming to stand right in front of me, "I love you, I've loved you since I was three fucking years old. If you think I would cheat on you, then I'm a lousy fiancé,"_

"_No, it's just Tanya, she's known how to get under my skin since we were kids," I sigh, I don't want to fight anymore, "I love you. I'm sorry I got mad," I looked at the floor, feeling like a child who has been told off._

"_Don't be," Edward hooks his thumb under my chin, pushing upwards so I'm looking at him, "It shows you still care, after all these years,"_

"_I do," I smiled softly, giving him a slight peck on the lips, "I always will care,"_

"_Good, and by the way, if you had any ex fuck buddies and met up with them. I'd kill them," He stated, before attacking my lips._

My phone rings again, bringing me out of my trance, I know exactly who it is, Emmett, it's a cycle. Alice, Emmett, Jasper then finally Rose.

I ignore the call and go over to my bed, kneeling so I can get a good look under it. "I know it's here somewhere," I muttered, before my hand finds what I'm looking for. My only ally in this world now, he keeps me company on nights like this, my beloved old friend Mr Daniels.

I unscrew the lid and take a deep swig, this shit burns, but a nice warm burn, down my throat into my stomach.

I keep the whiskey under my bed, no one checks there. They think I don't know…that they check.

It helps numb the pain and keep the ignorance alive.

Edward will come back to me, he always does.

He isn't really dead; he's out there somewhere finding a way back to me.

Everything is just a haze lately, a dream gone wrong. I just don't know how to wake myself up from it.

Every night I walk around the house like now when I'm alone or everyone has finally gone, "Edward." I whisper, I always talk to him, I like to think he can hear me, "Baby, I miss you so much."

I'm in the study now; everything is exactly how he left it. I feel the tears wetting my cheeks as I pull out his chair and sit down, pulling it up so I'm tight against the edge of the desk. "Please come back to me."

I find it hard to sleep now, no matter what I do; I just can't stop thinking about him. I can't eat, I constantly feel nauseous. It's almost like I'm slowly dying.

I'm half asleep, still at his desk, my head resting on the cold wood, when I feel a slight pressure on the side of my face.

"Edward," I breathe sleepily, "Is that you?"

I hear him sigh, "Go to sleep Bella."

And I do, because he is here with me.

When I eventually wake up, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and I'm smiling, the first smile since it all happened.

My cheeks kind of hurt though, the way they do when you smile too long or too big.

I sit up stretching out my back after being hunched over all night. As I eased myself out of the chair I couldn't help but think about last night. I always knew he would come back to me, I laugh a little under my breathe, shaking my head and biting my lip, a habit Edward hates.

I come up short when I see Emmett asleep up against the study door frame, propped up by the wall.

"Emmett?" I kick him, not hard…exactly, just enough to wake him with a start. "Have you been here all night?" I hear my breathe hitch in my throat as I asked.

He rubs his eyes, using the wall for support; he pulls himself up, "Bella…" I take a step back, shaking my head, "Please, you looked so peaceful last night."

I open my mouth but nothing comes out, even though I want to say something, anything, instead I settle with saying nothing, just letting Emmett carry on talking, "You know I didn't mean to hurt you, that wasn't my intention when I came here last night, it's just when you said his name, I didn't want to hurt you more than you already have been."

"I'm fine Emmett, honestly, there's no need to worry about me," I smile slightly, willing the tears away, "You need to stop worrying about me, I'm a big girl, and I can handle myself."

Emmett shook his head, "I'm afraid that you won't Bella, you're not handling this at all,"

"What do you mean?" I cast my glance his way, "Of course I'm handling it, I've got no choice."

"You always have a choice," Emmett argued, "I may not be the brightest of people, but when it comes to listening, I'm your man."

"I don't doubt that for a second Emmett. At all, but I just want to be alone, come to terms with it myself." I try to explain; try to get the words out.

"You shouldn't have to be alone at all, you have us," Emmett ran his hand through his hair, a trait that reminded me of Edward so much, we all picked up each other's traits over the years. It happens when you spend every waking hour together. "Esme sent me over to ask if you wanted to come over for something to eat?"

I'm already shaking my head as soon as he mentions Esme Cullen, "I can't Emmett, I can't go to a place that will remind me he's gone in every single room. I'm sorry, but not yet, it's too soon."

"I thought you'd say as much, but Esme was adamant that you come," Emmett said, "I know it hurts, but it hurts us to see you lock yourself away like this, none of us have seen you in a week and a half, what about your job? You're going to have to go back sooner or later."

He was right, I know he was, "I'll come to that bridge when I cross it, otherwise it's the least of my priorities at the moment,"

I walk with Emmett to the front door, locking it behind him so no one else can get in, I like my space, the peace and quiet, my time with Edward.

Our wedding pictures are all over the place, reminding me of the amazing times we had. It's almost like a reminder that I'll never have it again. Never have him again. At least not in this lifetime, I pity myself, I really do, everyone else does.


End file.
